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"Everything in my head went quiet. 

All the ticks, all the constantly refreshing images just disappeared. 

When you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, you don’t really get quiet moments. 

Even in bed, I’m thinking: 
Did I lock the doors? Yes. 
Did I wash my hands? Yes. 
Did I lock the doors? Yes. 
Did I wash my hands? Yes. 
But when I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips.. 
Or the eyelash on her cheek- 
the eyelash on her cheek- 
the eyelash on her cheek. 
I knew I had to talk to her. 
I asked her out six times in thirty seconds. 
She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going. 
On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or talking to her.. 
But she loved it. 
She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times at different times of the day. 
She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk. 
When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely lock the door eighteen times. 
I’d always watch her mouth when she talked- 
when she talked- 
when she talked- 
when she talked; 
when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges. 
At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off.. And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off. 
She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her. 
But then.. She said I was taking up too much of her time. 
That I couldn’t kiss her goodbye so much because I was making her late for work.. 
When she said she loved me, her mouth was a straight line.. 
When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking.. 
And last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place. 
She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but.. 
How can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I touch her? 
Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t. 
I can’t go out and find someone new because I always think of her. 
Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin. 
I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars.. 
And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on. 
I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel.. 
How she turns shower knobs like she opening a safe. 
How she blows out candles- 
blows out candles- 
blows out candles- 
blows out candles- 
blows out-…. 
Now, I just think about who else is kissing her. 
I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once-he doesn’t care if it’s perfect! 
I want her back so bad.. 
I leave the door unlocked. 
I leave the lights on. ”

I’ve always seen this gif and never really understood it till now. So heartbreaking. 

this whole thing really fucks me up man

(Source: edgarwrights)


Anonymous asked:

Lol you got pregnant 2 months after starting to date Kenny claiming it was a mistake and you don't love him, claiming you had a "real" man, you have no tits or ass to show for anyhing, then you have to try and force your way into havin him break up with anything that isn't you because you couldn't handle someone's better than you in every aspect, now you're dating him (notice I said dating) and keeping him from seeing his own son. Who would be jealous of a crazy bitch like you? Lmao



ou want to act like this isn’t Kelsey?

You want to act like this don’t SCREAM jealous ex?

I never FORCED him to leave you OR CHEAT on you, that was his choice because OBVIOUSLY i have ALWAYS been what he’s wanted.

Sweetest day dating you?
At my house fucking me.


He broke your heart for me over and over and over again.

You weren’t something better that came along babe, you were s rebound that couldn’t compare, didn’t last, and couldn’t replace me.

I got pregnant two months into dating kenny but I NEVER ONCE said it was mistake or that i didn’t love him, that makes no sense considering we stayed together over a year after she was born and throughout my entire pregnancy.

You can keep telling yourself whatever you want to make yourself feel better, but you know damn well kenny hasn’t met masyn cause your jealous ass won’t allow him to see his son without seeing you.

I may not have tits, but i’d much rather be flat than saggy, and the only person who’s ever had issue with my itty bitty titties is YOU. None of my boyfriend’s or girlfriends ever cared, they suck on them and rub them, and play with them just the same.

And boy are you wrong about my big fat asss. Lol, i have way too much proof of that ;)

You sound so fucking stupid.

If you or anyone else was SO much better then why did he come back to me every single fucking time?

I’m not forcing him to be with me, which again tell yourself what you want to help you sleep at night, but he still put the ring on my finger.

You need to face facts and get the fuck over the fact that you can’t have kenny. He doesn’t want you, he wants me.

If he didn’t, he WOULDN’T be with me, and your farfetched blackmail bullshit is really fucking reaching for something when you know damn well i never kept Elaina from him before, and still never would. We had 50/50 custody and we cooperated with it.

If he didn’t want me, he wouldn’t have me.

Get that through your psychotic fucking head. KENNY DOESN’T WANT YOU.

If this message didn’t scream jealous, idk what would.

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